


Depressed but Well Dressed

by BeetleQueen



Category: Megamind (2010)
Genre: Alien Character(s), Aliens, Crying, Depressing, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing in the Rain, Men Crying, Rejection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-04
Updated: 2015-08-04
Packaged: 2018-04-13 00:18:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4500471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeetleQueen/pseuds/BeetleQueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An alternate version of the rain scene, and subsequent events.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Do you really think that I would  _ever_  be with you?"

He swallowed thickly, his eyes stinging, and his throat threatening to close up. His mouth then broke into a sad smile.

"No."

Before she could respond, he pushed past her, his every intention to get as far from this situation as possible.

He'd lost his best friend, and now her. Something in him had finally snapped, and he just wasn't up to playing this stupid game anymore.

Roxanne watched his retreating form; slumped and defeated. The rain began to crash down with even more force, and a sudden roll of thunder accompanied a few violent flashes overhead.

She battled whether or not to say something, to go after him, but stopped herself each time. He was the bad guy, not her.

So why did she feel so awful?

* * *

It had been a week since the incident with 'Tighten' on top of Metro Tower, and the subsequent evening with 'Bernard'.

In that week Hal had been seen stealing an ATM, an arcade game, an enormous flat screen (not to mention an accompanying sound system), and even a bicycle.

He hadn't started causing any real trouble, but Roxanne knew it was only a matter of time before something set the guy off.

She hadn't seen hide nor hair of Megamind, either. Ignoring the fact that he'd been disguised, Roxanne had spent weeks just basking in his company, laughing at his stupid jokes, and staring into his love-dazed green eyes; but now his place in her life had come to an abrupt end.

That night had been painful. She'd been lied to; deceived in the worst possible way, by a man she always thought to be harmless. It was like a slap in the face.

What was worse, even after all the betrayal, after all the nights spent tearing up at the thought of losing Bernard, she'd find herself thinking about him; daydreaming, or completely forgetting for a split second that he'd vanished from her life.

But it had always been  **him** ; that shy smile, that kind nature, that tentative kiss.

"Oh fuck, what have I done?" She cried, hugging the pillow to her chest. Her mind took her back to that moment seven nights ago.

" _Do you really think that I would **ever**  be with you?"_

She'd regretted the words as soon as she'd said them, but her pride, and anger at the time wouldn't let her take them back. Her lower lip trembled as she remembered the pained look in his eyes.

" _No."_

Roxanne wiped her eyes with the back of her hand before getting out of bed and quickly throwing some clothes on.

* * *

Since it was nearest, Roxanne made her way to City Hall.

Upon searching the abandoned building, she came to the conclusion that Megamind was most definitely not there. Only one tell-tale sign of his presence remained (aside from the charred doors leading into the main office), a polished name plate, adorned with spikes that read; "MEGAMIND, EVIL OVERLORD" in large gothic script.

She smiled to herself, muttering "Predictable." as she left.

The taxi driver only took her to the outskirts of the Industrial District. It was widely known over the city that the place was riddled with thieves, drug lords, and all manner of unsavoury characters. But there was also a suspicion that the city's overlord made residence there, so people avoided the area at all costs.

Roxanne made the long hard walk across the district; her keen reporter eye keeping a lookout for any sign of movement. Although it took her a while, she finally found her way back to the imposing rectangular building, unscathed.

She took a tentative step towards the portion of wall in in front of the doormat, and bled through the hologram. The lair was silent, but unlike the last time she'd broken in, the silence held a weight that was hard to define. But it was there.

She made her way silently around the main floor, pausing in case she heard someone approaching. The reporter finally came to a stop when she caught sight of a pair of spindly legs curving over the edge of a large black swivel chair.

Roxanne let out a breath she didn't realised she'd been holding, and slowly walked towards him.

"Go away." Roxanne paused immediately. She was sure she'd been quiet, so how had he- "The monitors, Miss Ritchi, I've been watching them." His voice lowered, and it was almost impossible to hear his next words. "Just in case..."

But she had heard.

"In case what?"

"Go. Away." He snapped; the small part of him she could see tensed.

It was Roxanne's turn to get mad. "I'm not going anywhere. It took me an age to get here, and I'm not leaving now!"

The hand she could see gripped the armrest. "Why  _did_ you come, that oaf Titan running amok already?" He recalled her tale from the restaurant, and how Hal was the worst person he could've picked. But he hadn't fucking picked him, had he?

His mind went back to the defuser gun, and how it was still lying right where he had thrown it, in the backseat of the Hudson. He smiled bitterly.  _'Figures...'_

"Well, not yet he isn't, but it's going to happen soon." She inhaled slowly, gathering her nerve. "Which is why you need to stop him."

Megamind laughed cruelly from behind the high back of the chair. "Oh Roxanne, you really should think about a career in standup..." He stopped and straightened. "Don't let the hologram hit you on the way out."

OK, that was fair. She'd broken into his lair, no, his  **home**  a second time. What was she expecting, for him to just roll out the red carpet?

She took a few more steps towards him, and he turned the chair slightly, completely obscuring himself.

"Just leave..." His voice lacked the conviction it once had, sounding more like an honest plea, than an order.

Roxanne moved forward, and stretched out a hand, grasping the top of the chair. She spun it swiftly, and her eyes widened at the sight laid out before her.

He looked horrendous.

His trademark goatee was almost lost beneath the thick scrag of stubble now littering his face. His usually brilliant eyes now dull, and glassy, and the skin beneath them etched in dark circles causing them to pop out of his face madly.

The smell was what caught her last.

It wasn't an unpleasant odour, but it was very strong.  _'Of course his sweat smells different, he's an alien.'_  Roxanne felt the corners of her mouth tugging down involuntarily at the state of him. His face was strangely devoid, he didn't look at her as much as he looked through her.

"I thought he'd come back."

"Who-" But then she stopped. Minion. The fish was never but a few feet away from his boss, and here was Megamind, at his lowest, and Minion was no where in sight. "What happened?"

"We argued. He left; I have no idea where. All I can do is wait." He bit his lower lip, begging his eyes to stop that familiar sting. _'And hope...'_

" _Code: I'll just pack my thing and go!"_

" _Code: Fine!"_

" _Code: Fine back!"_

It suddenly occurred to Roxanne that he may not have shifted from this spot since he got back; 7 days ago. Had he even eaten? Slept? Bathed? The strong musky scent reminded her that that last query was definitely a no.

"You guys were fighting? Why?" From what Roxanne knew, the two of them were the best of friends. The thought of Minion actually up and leaving was so out of character that she was finding it hard to believe.

Megamind locked eyes with the reporter. "I'll give you three guesses," He got up, stalking towards her, "she's nosy." he took another step, "Belligerent." finally he was nose to nose with her, a gloved finger prodding her in the chest, "And standing right in front of me."

He spun on his heel, walking across the lair. God knew his legs needed the stretch.

"W-Wait, what?" This was making even less sense. "Why would you fight about  **me?** " She rushed to keep up with him, but made sure to keep a few steps behind.

He picked handful after handful of drafts and schematics from the idea cloud, screwing them up and tossing them in the nearby incinerator.

"He found out about our... meetings. Needless to say he wasn't pleased." Roxanne stayed still watching as he lost patience with the papery brainstorm; he finally set his De-Gun to 'Destroy' and blasted page after page until all that was left was a charred mess.

Roxanne walked up to him, laying a hand on his shoulder. He wasn't wearing his cape, or the imposing collar and shoulder guards; he looked so small and wiry.

The alien suddenly jerked away. "Don't. Touch. Me." He spat, before stalking off across the lair.

Roxanne followed him again, allowing him a bit more distance. "Would it help if I told you how sorry I am?" He paused in his tracks. "Because I am."

"Don't do this, Miss Ritchi." He shook his head, "Just  _don't..._ " his lower lip found it's way between the vice-like grip of his teeth.

"Don't do what?" She took a few steps closer. "Don't say how terrible I feel for the things I said? Don't apologise?"

"Don't ask this of me, Roxanne." His voice broke, and she saw that both of his fists were clenched tightly. "Because you know that all you need to do is  **ask** ," He swallowed, his throat becoming tight, "and I'll do anything."

He didn't need her pity, and he didn't need her trying to manipulate him like this. She knew he'd bring her the fucking moon if she batted her eyelashes, and she knew he'd get himself killed fighting that ginger cretin if she asked him to.

The reporter closed the distance between them, wrapping her arms around him from behind. The last hug she'd given him had rendered him speechless, and damn it if she'd done so again.

Roxanne rested her chin on his shoulder, and gripped him tighter. "I'll fix this." His heart was hammering wildly beneath her hands. "I promise."

* * *

It wasn't too hard to track down the henchfish.

Roxanne had a lot of contacts in high places, and so once she got back to her apartment she phoned all of them, making sure to write down all the places Minion had been spotted.

The last location was somewhere on the outskirts of Downtown, near one of the motels. He obviously had no where else to go, and who was going to stop a robot gorilla fish from taking a room if he wanted it?

That was settled then. Roxanne took the elevator down to the car park, and jumped in the newsvan.

* * *

Megamind sat hunched in his chair, giving the wristwatch fleeting glances every now and then.

Roxanne had left hours ago, and after agonising for the past week, he pressed a thumb to one of the switches.

His breath hitched and he released the receiver quickly. Both hands came to rest over his face, and his shoulders rose and fell in a violent shudder.

He shrugged sharply, an attempt to regain some control, and moved his hand back to the watch. He pressed one of the dials with more purpose, and swallowed, about to speak when-

"..Sir?"

The villain's eyes snapped wide; his every instinct was to jump out of the chair and embrace the metal body behind the voice, fear and shame however rooted him to the spot.

He heard tinny footsteps make their way toward him, and panicked. Minion had seen him after gruelling prison breaks, he'd seen him drag himself back to his cell, bloodied and beaten. Hell, he'd even seen him on life-support!

Minion had seen him at his worst, but he'd never seen him let himself go.

The fish stretched out a furry arm and turned the chair. His insides churned in guilt at the sight before him; how could he have done this to his sir?

Megamind looked so dishevelled; without the ostentatious cape and mantle, Minion was reminded of the small boy he used to care for. The skinny, shy little child that he'd struggled to protect all those years.

He'd grown into such a remarkable man, and Minion knew his parents would be so proud. But he'd failed his sir. Not just last week, but decades ago. He thought bitterly of that incident in the gifted school, and the subsequent path his master had gone down as a result.

If he'd been a good minion he would've talked Megamind out of it, he would've done everything in his power to convince the boy that he didn't need to fall into everyone else's expectations of him. He didn't need to take up the role they'd decided. He didn't need to let them choose his destiny.

But he'd said nothing, just humoured him, hoping the stupid notion would stop. After a while it became habit to just nod and say nothing, and after ten years Minion decided to let it drop completely. His sir truly seemed happy trying to take over the city, and his master's happiness was all that mattered.

"Y-You came back?"

Minion was broken out of his reverie at his boss's words. Tears were threatening to spill down the overlord's face, and Minion had to look away.

He looked so much like his father with that unkempt beard. Oh god, what would his parents think right now? They'd sent him to look after their son, and he'd failed them. He'd failed his sir.

"Sir, I could never leave you..." Sure, he'd left initially, but he'd been waiting on his master to call him back. He'd struggled against every urge he had to go back to the lair. He'd gone back once to finish the new cape, but after that he'd stayed away.

He'd wanted more than anything for Megamind's voice to blare out of his own wristwatch, to apologise, to beg him to come back, to admit that he'd been wrong.

" _Code: I don't need you!"_

The memory still stung, but the fish knew now that the words had been spoken in the heat of the moment, and that his master  **did**  need him.

Just looking at the state of him now proved that.

Before Minion could explain further, Megamind had shot up from the chair to wrap both of his arms around the large glass bowl. The tips of his gloves squeaked against the dome as he clutched Minion tightly.

"I thought I'd l-lost y-you..."

The man's breathing was ragged, and Minion wrapped his fur-covered arms around his ward, holding him as he sobbed uncontrollably.

"Sir, I'm so sorry, This is all my fault!" He squeezed his eyes shut, trying desperately not to lose his composure.

Megamind was shaking severely now. Roxanne had mentioned to Minion on the drive back that she was sure the villain hadn't eaten or slept in the past week.

He let the hold on his master slacken before quickly grasping him once more as he felt the man slipping; he was the only thing standing between Megamind and the ground. _'Oh god, what have I done? How could I let his happen to you?'_

The fish laid his charge back in the leather chair before rushing across the lair. He stopped by the reporter.

"Please, Miss Ritchi, could you keep an eye on him? I'll be right back!"

Roxanne nodded, but Minion was half way across the lair now; his mind focussed entirely on the blue man now slumped in the chair.

She made her way over to him. His chest was rising and falling in worrying bursts, and the area around his eyes was sunken and dark.

Roxanne placed a hand on his shoulder, pleased when he didn't bat it away.

"R-Roxanne..?" He stammered.

She smiled down at him. "I told you I'd fix it."

Tears were rolling down his face, but he didn't have the energy to wipe them away.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

Megamind hissed in surprise when his minion lowered him into the bathtub. The water was hot, but not unwelcome.

For the last twenty or so minutes his henchfish had carefully shed him of his clothes before running the bath; they'd spent at least an hour beforehand hooking the villain up to a number of IV's to help revert the effects of any malnutrition or muscle wastage from his weeklong inactivity.

"It's not too hot, is it..?" The fish asked, his metal hand hovering above the cold tap.

"No, no. It's fine..." He slid lower into the water, until the bubbles on the surface tickled his ears.

Minion snapped off one of the old razor heads, replacing it with a new one. His boss usually used wax to achieve his trademark strip of facial hair, but since he hadn't tended to it in a week, the end result would no doubt result in discomfort – not to mention a pink face.

"Minion?" The fish paused in lathering the man's face. "Why did you come back?"

"Well, Miss Ritchi-"

"I know... But you could've said no. Could've refused." He chewed his lower lip, deep in thought. "So why didn't you?"

The fish sighed with a smile bringing the razor carefully down the alien's face. "Sir, no offence, but you'd be lost without me. Miss Ritchi told me you were in kind of a bad way. If I'd known, I never would've left..."

"I was going to call you, really-"

"Don't be silly, sir.  _I_  should've called!"

"...But you weren't the one in the  _wrong,_  Minion!"

The fish's mouth popped open in surprise. Never once had his master used the 'W' word; he was usually 'less right', or 'lacking in correctness'.

"S-Sir..."

"Code: Shut up and listen. You were completely right, as usual..." He sighed, looking off to one side. "The night after you left, I went to see Roxanne. It was an absolute disaster."

Minion stayed silent, running the razor down his master's face slowly and with care; always pausing when the man began speaking again.

"Everything was going so well... I suppose it would've fucked up at some point anyway."

He ignored his master's out of character slip. Sometimes it was easy for Megamind to lapse back into prison vocabulary, especially under stress. "You can tell me, sir. I won't judge you."

Megamind groaned; he wanted to get it all off his chest, but it was so embarrassing. "We were having dinner, the restaurant was absolutely filled with people... No one was looking at me, Minion. No one!" He relaxed back into the tub. "I felt... normal."

And now it all made sense. Roxanne hadn't just captured his heart, she'd given him something he'd never felt before; normality.

"Sir..."

"She... kissed me, Minion." His cheeks flushed a faint purple; the fish's eyes widened, but he seemed oblivious, carrying on. "Would you believe that was the moment she decided to hold my hand as well? She nudged one of the dials, and the hologram just... switched off."

"Oh dear..." The fish's eyes softened.

Megamind merely groaned, covering his face with both hands. "She looked so horrified... D-Disgusted..." His breathing was shaky, and Minion didn't doubt that the man was crying behind his hands, or at least trying his best not to.

"Sir, she's a strong lady, I'm sure she's forgiven and forgotten-"

"Nonsense."

"Sir, please. She was so worried when she came to find me."

"Worried about her precious city-"

"Worried about  **you.** " Minion snapped; he wouldn't allow his master to wallow in any more self pity. He'd done that for the past week, and it was time to put a stop to it now. "Yes, you might've deceived her but... you obviously mean too much for her to just let you go!"

Megamind was taken aback by Minion's sudden sternness, but he didn't speak.

"Sir, if she didn't care she would've gone home by now."

"B-But it's been-" He almost slipped trying to stand up, but Minion's large hand caught him. "I thought..."

"You thought a lot of things, sir; all of them wrong as usual."

Megamind smiled weakly. "It's habit..."

"Well, I think it's time we  **break**  that habit."

* * *

"Wh-What do you think you're doing?!"

"Hold her down, Minion."

"Righto boss."

"GET OFF ME!" The reporter flailed hopelessly against Minion's brute strength.

The villain tied Roxanne's wrists behind her back, through the spaces in the hostage chair. She flexed her arms, but to no avail; he'd actually tied them properly for once.

"Why are you doing this?!"

"Because my dear," He gave her a cocky grin, waving Minion away. "I know you better than you know yourself; and I know that the second I got out of that door, you'd be close behind." The alien waltzed over, clicking his boots with every step. "And despite that little rejection in the rain, my feelings toward you have not changed."

"Megamind..."

"Besides, the battlefield is no place for a nosy reporter. So!" He plastered on a fake grin. "I'm off! Try not to miss me too much..." He waved a hand over the spiked shoulder of his 'battle cape'.

Roxanne pulled against the restraints, but it just made them tighter. "Of all the times you've tied me up, this is the one time you do it right..." She muttered looking around the room. There had to be a way out of this chair. She couldn't let him do this alone.

"Minion." Megamind snapped the door shut behind him, keeping Roxanne and a few of the brainbots guarding her alone in the small room. "Keep an eye on her, will you? She can be horrifyingly resourceful."

"Can do, boss." He nervously shuffled his feet with a clang. "You will be careful, won't you?"

"There's nothing 'careful' about this situation. It's certain doom. I have to do this, Minion. I have to try." Minion merely nodded as his master walked up to the 'battle suit', the cape of the Black Mamba dragging behind him. "Thanks for finishing it by the way..." He called over his shoulder, smirking. "It's truly 'terrifying'!"

Minion smiled as his master left the lair, blasting AC/DC as he went. "Good luck, sir..."

* * *

'I have to get out of here somehow...' Roxanne pondered, still straining against her bonds.

Her eyes scanned the room, taking in a few of the villain's floating cyborgs, and suddenly an idea came to her.

"Pssst! Come here!" She smiled at one of the blue-domed machines. "That's it! Come on!" The brainbot tentatively hovered over, giving her curious glances with it's large red eye. "These ropes are really cutting in, can you loosen them? I think I might be bleeding!"

She put on a fake voice of concern, and a worried expression to match. The bot circled her, examining her wrists when-

"Gotcha!" Roxanne cried. The reporter grabbed the little 'guard dog's' tendrils and held the glowing core to the ropes. It was a long shot, but she had to try.

The brainbot merely watched on in shock. His master had given him the task of keeping the hostage in place, but his programming also had him refrain from causing her any physical damage; he had no choice but to sit there uselessly as she burned her way through the bonds; the other bots floated aimlessly, unsure whether or not to help their 'brother' incase it conflicted with their own programming.

Roxanne bit her lip as the last of the ropes burned through, catching her wrist slightly. With a snap she pulled herself free and made for the door.

She'd barely crossed the threshold when everything went black.

"I'm sorry Miss Ritchi." Minion caught her in mid fall, carrying her back over to the chair, the spiked cannister of knockout spray held firmly in his other hand. "Sir would never forgive himself, or me, if you got hurt."

* * *

"Yeah right... You're nuts! Space Dad told me-" Megamind reached for a dial on his watch, already exasperated by this point.

"What? Hard light projection got your tongue?" He refrained from bothering with the lisp he'd adopted for this disguise, his tone harsh.

"B-But! No no no no no, no way, man..." Hal sat down on the edge of his bed. This couldn't be happening; first Roxanne, and now this? Was Space Stepmom just a lie, too? No, he couldn't think like that. Megamind had tricked her, obviously.

Megamind looked around the room bitterly; the place was stuffed with things the man had stolen. There were piles of cash everywhere, and even a bike..? Why on earth did Hal need a bike?! He shook his head; Minion was right, this had clearly been a mistake. Not to mention Roxanne's thoughts at the restaurant...

"Roxanne was right, you are without a doubt the  **worst**  possible person I could've picked!"

The freak was bluffing. He had to be. "Tch, whatever dude, everyone knows you haven't kidnapped her for like... weeks. You haven't even been on the news!"

Megamind smirked cruelly. "No, I haven't, have I? I'll have to admit I've been a  _bit_  busy..." He reached for his watch again and his smirk doubled at Hal's reaction when he turned another dial.

"Y-You!" He stood up, his eyes brimming with shock.

Megamind switched from the curator back to himself. He wanted the other man to remember the blue face that was about to take everything away from him.

"I finally put that sassy mouth to good use~"

He probed the side of his cheek with his tongue while making an equally crass gesture with one hand; Hal seemed to understand immediately as he let out a feral growl. Megamind ignored him completely. This qualified as banter, right..? He wasn't just doing this for his own amusement, right?

"But I finally got her to  _scream..._  And let me tell you, I might just've gone deaf in one ear!" He sniggered. That fateful night he'd felt his heart practically ripped out; it gave him a strange satisfaction to do the same to someone else.

"When I get my hands on you, I'm gonna-"

"What?! You'll do  **what**  exactly?!" He laughed cruelly; something in him was telling him to shut up while he still had a spine, but his mouth flapped on regardless. "You gonna hit me? Is that gonna make you feel  _better?_  Because I'll tell you what, I don't think you're  _man_  enough for the job." He'd bridged the gap between himself and the colossal man, and was now prodding him in the chest. "I mean, you weren't exactly man enough for Roxa-"

_**SMACK.** _

* * *

"That... I can't belie- UGH..."

Minion perked up in his bowl when he heard his master's voice ringing out through the lair; thank Bad God in Evil Heaven, he was OK!

"Son of a... fucking..." A loud slam and clatter rang out, and Minion flinched. " **CUNT!** "

He was in one of  _those_  moods, then.

"S-Sir..?"

Megamind spun round, his cape in tatters, and the high back of his collar ripped right down to the scaffolding. His eyes were wild now that the eyeliner had smudged, and his cheek had a dark purple bruise forming.

Minion was about to speak when the villain placed a gloved hand in his mouth; the fish heard a sickening crack and the blue man pulled out a tooth.

"LOOK! LOOK WHAT HE DID TO ME!" He threw it to the floor with a small clink. "That  **FUCKER!** "

"Sir, indoor voice-"

"I mean, we spent all that time training him, and for what?!" He kicked a nearby dustbin, and it skittered across the floor. "The man's an  **idiot!** " He fell back into his chair frowning.

"I did try to tell you-"

"I know, I know..." He waved a hand dismissively, his little tirade already over. "But the damage is done now. No point saying 'I told you so'. No, we need to find some way to rectify this..."

"Sir, I was thinking... Maybe if we went for the old 'bait and switch'-"

"He knows about the watches."

"But how?!" Minion's eyes widened; it was their last hope!

Megamind looked away sheepishly. "I may have... told him I was his Space Dad..."

"You did WHAT?!" The blue man flinched as Minion's voice echoed through the lair. "Oh, and I'm guessing you did something to  _deserve_  that punch to the face?" He looked his master over with scrutiny. "You  _goaded_  him, didn't you?" The fish hissed disapprovingly.

"I may have said some... things, but just look at me! I used to say all kinds of stuff to Wayne, and he never so much as batted an eyelid." He stood up flailing his arms back and forth. "I even used the 'your momma' jokes on him, and still nothing! How was I to know that idiot was going to act any differently..?"

"Maybe because he's not Metro Man?" Minion sighed. "Sir, you really do overlook the most obvious things..."

"I know, I know... Less of the mother hen act if you wouldn't mind..." Minion rolled his eyes, but the blue man continued. "Don't worry, your secret's safe with me~"

The fish gave him a curious look. "I'm sorry, sir, I'm not following."

"Oh, I didn't even tell you the best part!" He laughed. "He knows I was behind the whole Space Dad thing, but guess what? He honestly thinks I tricked you, and that you're actually still his stepmom!" He held his sides, giggling. "I mean, how rich is that?!"

Minion was about to respond when he heard the sound of fists hammering against a nearby door. "Oh... Seems like Miss Ritchi is awake, sir."

"So you had to-"

"Yes, you were right. Looks like she used one of the bots to burn her way out of the ropes."

Megamind sighed, smiling. "She's amazing, isn't she..?"

"I can hear both of you out there! Let me out already!"

"Oh, um..." The villain blushed, getting up and unlocking the door. Before he could even twist the doorknob fully, the reporter wrenched the door back and threw herself towards him.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, narrowly avoiding the massive spikes of his shoulder guards, though some of them were bent or had clean broke off. Megamind looked to his henchfish in shock, but Minion merely gave him one of his classic 'I told you so' looks before smiling, and leaving the two alone.

Roxanne sniffed a few times, tightening her grip around the man's neck; he made a slight groan of pain, and she suddenly pushed herself off him.

"Y-You're hurt?" The reporter tentatively reached out to touch the dark bruise on his cheek. The villain winced slightly with a smile.

"I've had worse..." It was true, in the early years before Wayne had been able to understand and control his own strength, Megamind had suffered quite a few broken ribs, shattered pelvises, and fractured skulls.

Hal had been playing with him; if he'd wanted to, he could've killed him in seconds. He was snapped from his reverie when Roxanne punched him in the chest. "OW! W-What are you-"

"YOU PRICK!" She punching him again and he recoiled in fear, holding up his hands. "You tie me to a chair and  _leave_  me?! What were you  **thinking** , HE COULD'VE KILLED YOU!" He merely stayed quiet, cringing slightly at the prospect of being hit again.

He lowered his hands nervously; if she hit him again-

"OW!" He slapped a hand to his face where she'd backhanded the bruise.

"Now we're even." She let out a shaky breath before walking up to him and wrapping her arms around his neck again.

Megamind didn't doubt that his face was a picture right now. He was more confused than he had been in his entire life. First she was hugging him, then she was screaming... Then she was hitting him, and now they were hugging again?

"R-Roxanne..?" She sniffed a few times before making a strange sound. Was she... crying? "No. No no no no no, please, don't cry!" He pulled away, taking a hold of her shoulders; tears were streaming down her face. Fuck. "Hey, what's up woman, you on the rag or something?" Using his hands he jostled her from side to side with a nervous laugh.

Roxanne let out a small bark of laughter. "You get one of those, mister. One." She sniggered, reaching up to wipe the tears away.

"Made you laugh~" He smirked as his thumbs rubbed gentle circles over her collar bones.

"Yeah..." She sighed, smiling. "What are we going to do, huh?"

Just then Minion rounded the corner, brushing a curly blonde wig. "Sir..? I think I may have thought of something..?"

* * *

"Absolutely not."

"But, sir-"

"I said no! There isn't a snowman's chance in  **hell**  that I'm letting you anywhere near that lunatic!"

Roxanne ignored the villain's failed idiom and turned to Minion. "I think I'm going to have to agree with Megamind on this one."

Both men turned to look at her incredulously. "You're...  _agreeing_  with me?" This had never happened before.

The reporter ignored him. "Seriously Minion, he tossed me around like a ragdoll, and stranded me on top of Metro Tower; he's dangerous!"

"He had no qualms trying to melt my face off, Minion. Laser vision! Super speed, super strength!"

"We don't really have many other options, unless you hadn't noticed, sir." Megamind sighed, folding his arms. "If he sees you after what happened you might not get away this time. If he sees me... Well, you said it yourself, I'm his  _space stepmom._ " Minion put the curly wig on his 'head'.

"I'm still not sure..." The villain looking desperately between his henchfish and Roxanne.

"Sir, he's got no reason to doubt me. We have to at least  _try!_  If it works we'll have got the defuser gun and the invisible car back, and then we can go about making a plan of action!"

Roxanne nodded. "He's got a point. And while Minion's away I can tell you everything I know about Hal." It wasn't much, granted, but if the villain could get in the guy's headspace, maybe he'd be able to manipulate him a little longer until they thought of something concrete.

"Fine. You win." He huffed. "Just... be careful, Minion. Here-" He pulled his de-gun from it's holster. "Take this just in case." It never worked against Metro Man, but there was always a chance it could still come in handy.

"Yes sir." Minion unzipped his fannypack, putting on his flowery apron before 'holstering' the gun. "Besides, if things get hairy, I've got this." He flashed his own disguise watch. "I can always jump into another disguise, or call you."

Megamind gave another indignant huff in response. "Your soul purpose in life is to look after me. Can't do it very well if you're dead." Minion smiled; what his boss really meant was obvious - 'I  **need**  you, so don't get yourself killed, OK?'

Minion nodded in his bowl before leaving the lair. Roxanne had driven them here in the news van, and he was sure she wouldn't mind if he used it just this once. He hopped in, turning the keys and sped off towards downtown.


	3. Chapter 3

Minion's fins fluttered nervously as the newsvan sped towards it's destination. The Hudson was parked somewhere Downtown, and the invisibility shields were still up; at a quick glance it could easily be missed, so the fish slowly made his way around, searching for a spiky outline.

Driving slowly was not something Minion was used to, or even comfortable with given the current situation. Had he been in the invisible car, it would not be an issue; but he was in the newsvan. Roxanne's newsvan; the newsvan she shared with Hal.

He was a sitting duck, just waiting to be shot. Reluctantly, Minion parked the van up by one of the nearby kerbs, and got out. Yes, he was a little more exposed, but if he bumped into 'Tighten', at least he wouldn't have to explain why he, his 'space stepmom' was driving around in his love interest's newsvan.

Readjusting the wig, Minion trudged down the street.

* * *

"Well calling him by his first name seems to piss him off."

"Oh?"

"Yeah." Roxanne threaded her fingers around the coffee mug, warming her hands against the cold chill of the lair. "When I called him Hal, he freaked out saying his name was 'Titan' now. So yeah, that's a button right there. Not sure if it'd be wise to press it, though..."

"Hm, true. At least we know now not to say the 'H' word." He smirked.

Wait... had Minion ever called him Hal..? Or did he call him 'Titan'? Megamind's eyes flitted uneasily to his wristwatch; given the time that'd passed; the fish would be there by now, perhaps even with that psychopath in tow. If he tried calling, his whole cover might be blown.

Best not to think about it. And if Minion was in any distress, he would've called. Right..?

"I can't really think of much else to say, other than he's a total nerd." The reporter rolled her eyes, taking a sip.

"You say that like it's a bad thing!"

"Oh, I forget, I'm talking to the biggest nerd on the planet..." Megamind blanched, unsure whether or not to be flattered, or offended. While his brain still scrambled for the answer, Roxanne pressed on. "He plays videogames, doesn't shut up about dungeons and dragons, and to my knowledge eats nothing but chips, dip, and fast food."

"Ooh, D&D! I did dabble in that game for a while..." His face took on a hint of nostalgia, and Roxanne's eyes rolled again.

"Noted... I just can't think of any weaknesses he might have, besides me- and don't you dare even  **think**  it!"

Megamind held his hands up. "Whoa, slow down; nobody's going to let that gorilla climb to the tallest tower with you, you have my word."

Roxanne huffed, still unconvinced.

* * *

Minion looked over the view of Metro, his ice cream untouched.

"It really is lovely, isn't it, son?"

Hal had flown them up to the top of one of the hillsides around the city; the view really was spectacular.

"Yeah, sometimes I just like to chill, y'know? Metro's so noisy now..." The redhead frowned; unlike Metro Man, Hal wasn't able to master the art of tuning out his super hearing. "Hey, you not hungry, space stepmom?"

"Oh, I'm always watching my figure..." Hal nodded quickly, deciding to drop the subject; in his experience, women could be quite sensitive. "So, what were your plans for the day; gonna beat up the bad guys and defend the city like a good boy?"

Hal sighed. "No..." She didn't know about space stepdad; how could he even begin to tell her that her husband was a super villain from another planet?!

"Something on your mind?" It was strange talking so casually with the guy; if Minion was honest, he kind of liked playing the comforting role again. Megamind's streak of independence put a stop to that years ago, but Hal was still impressionable, in need of a maternal figure. Not that Minion saw himself as anyone's 'mom'. But still, it was nice...

"Yeah, actually." Hal looked nervously from Minion to the floor, and back again. "Y'know space stepdad..? He's... He's not the great guy you think he is."

"Oh, Hally..." The redhead didn't even flinch at the term of endearment. "I think I know what you mean. He hasn't looked at me in  _that_ way in years..." Why was he a Minion when he was clearly made for the stage? "It's... another woman, isn't it?!" He sniffed.

"N-No! Well... Kind of..." He cast his mind back to Roxanne, before focussing again on the fish. "He came to my apartment today. Well, it wasn't him, it was Megamind; but that's the thing, he  ** _is_**  Megamind!" He took Minion's shoulders in hand, and looked him deep in his bulbous eyes. "It's all been a lie, space stepmom; space stepdad doesn't exist!"

"W-What are you saying..?" If a fish could sweat, Minion would be; just being this close to the guy was setting off alarm bells. What if he realised it was all just a mechanised suit with a glass bowl on top, and a fish inside? Well, he hadn't noticed up 'til now; chances were he never would.

"He... used a watch, projected like a picture over himself or something..." The science behind it was too complex, so he hoped he explained it well enough. At this point Minion was just thankful his own wristwatch was hidden under the furry casing of his armguards...

"A watch..?"

"Yeah, look the details don't matter; it was all a lie. And d'you know what the worst thing is?" Minion shook his 'head' back and forth. "He's been fooling Roxanne too, making her think he was some four-eyed dweeb!"

"You don't say..." Minion fought to not roll his eyes. "How awful."

"You're telling me!" Hal then smirked; the morning after that terrible night he'd seen them through the restaurant window there were newspapers all with similar headlines featuring the same photo - Roxanne kissing the city's overlord.

The picture had been snapped just before she opened her eyes in surprise, and so apart from the patrons who had seen the events first hand, the city was under the impression that the reporter and the alien were in some kind of sordid relationship.

"Her career's finished anyway... She'll see sense soon enough and come crawling back to me."

Minion held back the frown that was forming on his face; hopeless Hal he was used to, but he really didn't like this new cocky one. Was this his true nature the whole time, or was he just becoming overconfident because of the powers? Either way, Minion had a bad feeling about this.

In his time away from the lair, Minion had come across quite a few newspaper stalls, all of them with the same incriminating photo of his boss, and their hostage. He remembered feeling a strange mixture of jealousy and relief; jealous that Miss Ritchi got to spend time with the alien, but relieved that (at least by the looks of things) his master had finally come clean about the whole thing, and she was still willing to share a romantic evening with him.

The relief disappeared when he picked up one of the papers, reading through it curiously, only to come across a number of testimonials from the people who had been dining at the same time. He'd felt bad for Megamind, but still stayed away; he was hurting too.

It was only when Miss Ritchi tracked him down and told him the state the villain was in did his 'minion senses' start tingling again - and with them a swathe of guilt. How could he leave the man alone like this? How could he stay away fully knowing Megamind had lost not only him, but the love of his life as well?

During their conversation in the bathroom, Minion decided to play dumb; an underhand tactic, yes, but a part of him wanted to see the man admit the truth without being prodded into it.

And he did. Who would've guessed a week without one another would've encouraged so much personal growth in the 'overlord'? He could open up to Minion again; he wasn't hiding things anymore. Although the circumstances over it weren't ideal, Minion still wouldn't change a thing. This whole thing had been a mistake; but in a strange way, it had been for the better.

* * *

They'd gone through a whole pot of coffee, and now another fresh one was brewing. Brainstorming was beyond impossible when it came to Hal; Unlike Roxanne, Megamind didn't have the first clue about him. He didn't know that his favourite flowers were daisies. He didn't know whether or not Friday was 'pizza night' because after a hard day working, he felt he deserved a break from cooking. He didn't know what products he used on his hair, and why it made it smell so good.

These were things he knew about Roxanne, but not Hal...

All they'd come up with was that he'd probably never eaten a vegetable since leaving the family home, and that he had a penchant for comic books and videogames.

Not much to go on... Maybe if they lined their stomachs with something other than coffee, the creative process might get a kickstart?

"You getting hungry yet?" Megamind chanced.

"Starved..." Roxanne brushed a piece of hair from her eyes, tucking it behind one ear. She thought he'd never ask...

"Cool, cool..." It was strange talking to her so normally, and without the disguise. Without Bernard's face to hide behind, he was extremely self conscious, even if they were on such polite terms. "S-So... want some qwee-tchee?"

Roxanne's eyebrows shot up; what the hell had he just mispronounced..? What kind of food (and she was assuming it must have been) began with a 'q'? It then came to her.

"Oh, Quiche?"

Megamind flinched; how embarrassing... his abortion of the word didn't even sound remotely like the true pronunciation. Why spell things like that?! It was like the human race was rallying against him!

"Y-Yes. Well done... I was  _testing_  you! Ha, yes..." He scuttled off to the kitchen, blushing, and Roxanne giggled. There was the guy she'd fallen for; awkward, almost to the point of being painful... She cast her mind back to their 'dates'; that one at the museum had been her favourite. He was so insightful when it came to art, picking up on things she'd never even considered in some of her favourite pieces.

Then there had been that time in the park; the very next day all the trash was gone. He'd done it for her, just like when he returned the paintings...

 _Say I_ **_wasn't_ ** _so normal. Say I was bald and... had the complexion of... of a popular primary colour... As a random, non-specific example... Would you still enjoy my company?_

It really was obvious now that she thought about it; even that time when they'd been curled up on the picnic blanket, she was sure he had stuttered trying to say 'school'. Alarm bells should've been ringing, but for the first time in her life Roxanne Ritchi was ignoring her instincts. She was happy; she'd met a guy who ticked all the boxes, and she didn't care for the voice in the back of her head that kept nagging that something about him just... wasn't right.

Megamind was slicing the quiche into equal segments, staring off into space. It was then that Minion's copper kitchen set caught his eye. He'd almost completely forgotten about that factor; when he'd tried the failsafe, it hadn't worked. The copper hadn't worked...

He came back, plates laden, still muttering to himself.

"Copper..? What are you babbling about, spaceman?" She smirked, taking her dish. Mushrooms and bacon; her favourite!

"When I was running for my life earlier, I called for the brainbots to drop a reinforced copper ball around him." Roxanne nodded. "He punched right through it." Her jaw then dropped.

"He... what?! But Wayne... he was trapped in that observatory, you saw!" Of course he had seen; he had been there after all, but he nodded all the same. "W-What does this mean..?"

"Well, there's two options. Either the infusion went wrong and though he's gained all of Metro Man's strengths, he hasn't got his weaknesses. Or..."

"Or?!" She screamed, quiche forgotten.

"Or that wasn't a weakness to begin with."

"But... it had to be! That death ray hit, and he was still inside. And then, boom! Skeleton!" She slumped in her seat; this just wasn't making any sense. Megamind had killed him. Hadn't he?

* * *

Minion waved politely as 'Titan' flew off. He'd indulged the man in an awkward hug, and was amazed when the redhead had dropped him off just meters away from the car. Talk about dumb luck...

He waited until the man was merely a speck in the sky before running back to the car. He wrenched the door open, shot inside, and snapped it closed. He hated to admit it, but he really was terrified. If something had gone wrong, if Hal had realised the truth... It was almost too much for him to handle. He was safe now, that was what really mattered - and he'd got the car back. A quick look into the backseat revealed the defuser gun, and Minion let out a shuddered sigh.

He'd done it.

He made his way back to the lair, eyes forever scanning the sky just on the off chance. Hal had been travelling in the completely opposite direction from the Industrial District, but that didn't stop the fish being cautious. He kept the cloaking device engaged the whole way, naturally, and ran through his mind one of the more interesting conversations they'd had that day.

_"G-Get it away from me..!!!" Hal shot off the bench, floating a few metres in the air._

_"Oh hon, it's just a little spider..."_

_"Kill it! Flatten it! I don't care, just get it away from me!"_

Minion had merely shooed the arachnid, not really the sort to squash a bug. It was certainly interesting, his reaction. It was almost as if he'd forgotten completely about his powers, and what harm they could cause the little creature. He had laser vision, and still he cowered like a small child.

Minion's mind cast back to the spiderbot, and he smiled a little; Hal would HATE that...

* * *

"You are... The dumbest genius in the universe!" Roxanne kicked the fake skeleton across the floor. "How did you miss the 'made in Taiwan' sticker?!"

"I only needed the  _cape_ for the DNA-"

"You  ** _what?!_**  Why would you go for the cape?! Why not do the normal science thing and go for the actual REMAINS?!" She was knocking on his head now, as she would a door. "Hello brain, are you in there?!"

"Stop that..!" He cringed, flapping his hands.

"I'm just trying to wake it up..." She huffed, folding her arms. "Y'know for a genius, you make the most obvious mistakes..."

"So I've been told." He pouted, before relaxing a little. "You know what this means though, don't you?"

"Yup." Roxanne looked to the skeleton, now crumpled in a heap. "Mr. Fantastic faked his death."


End file.
